Military life can place unique pressures on a marriage. Yet even when circumstances feel beyond our control, God invites husbands and wives to trust Him, pursue one another and stand firm in their faith together.
On Sept. 4-6, Dr. Michael Easley, pastor, author and former president of Moody Bible Institute, will encourage military couples to pause, reconnect and strengthen their marriage through God’s Word at the Military Marriage Retreat—Powerless or Powerful at The Cove. In this Q&A, Easley shares Biblical wisdom on staying spiritually connected through deployments and seasons of uncertainty, moving from feeling powerless to trusting in God’s strength.
Q: Military life often brings deployments, frequent moves and seasons of uncertainty. How can couples remain spiritually united when circumstances seem beyond their control?
A: In the military, this is the issue for many couples. We’ve seen some simple and creative ways to stay connected, but it requires a commitment to priority. In other words, does the husband—and I think the burden is on him for this—pursue his wife on a regular schedule? Most often, if the husband makes this a priority, takes the initiative, and has it “on the calendar,” then each day or week it’s simply a text, email, or best, a call/FaceTime to check in. If the wife is the one deployed or away from home, obviously she must make the schedule a priority as well. Simple questions like, “What did you read this morning in your devotional?” “How can I pray with you this week?” “Have you spoken to ____ about ____?” “Any burdens you’re carrying right now?” “How can I best support you while we’re apart?”
At first, these seem daunting—nearly terrifying—for some couples who have not been connected in their spiritual lives, much less their marriages. Take the first step. Try it. You may be surprised how easy it can be, and it gives both of you something to look forward to.
Q: The title of this retreat is “Powerless or Powerful.” What does it mean for a military couple to move from feeling powerless to living in God’s strength?
A: Most of us are “get things done” kinds of people. Give us a task, goal, hobby, workout, job, mission, objectives, parameters, resources, deadline, and we’ll get it done. In some cases, that can be our identity. I can get “X” done. The spiritual life is different. Because it is intangible, it can be difficult to measure. Sure, we can check off boxes like a Bible reading plan or even a prayer list, but even then, it can seem ambiguous. Understanding God’s Word, God’s Spirit, and God’s people not only ground us, but empower us to live the life Christ intended. His Word is our authority, His Spirit indwells us, and His people can encourage us. Understanding that we are completely powerless in the spiritual life is the beginning of knowing how to trust Him at His Word, and mature into the kind of men and women He wants us to be.
Q: Many military couples are balancing demanding careers while trying to nurture their marriage. What are a few Biblical practices that can help them stay connected through life’s constant changes?
A: As mentioned earlier, it is as simple as making our marriage a priority. Is time with my spouse on the calendar? We all have appointments on our calendars. Doctor’s appointments, lunch dates, school events, birthdays, work meetings, workout schedules … these are so important that we put them on the calendar. If my marriage isn’t more important than going to the gym, I have a greater problem.
Ephesians 5:22-33 offers clear and practical instructions:
- Sacrificial love: As Jesus loved His church and sacrificed Himself for her, a husband is to place his wife’s needs above his own.
- Nourish and cherish: A husband who cares for his wife, physically and spiritually, is following Christ’s care for His church.
- Compassion as a first response: It requires the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, but cultivating our initial response—not reaction—to our spouse can reframe our relationship. In 1 Peter 3:7, we’re instructed to be understanding, to recognize our spouse’s concerns with an interesting caveat, so that our prayers are not hindered.
- Respect: Often overlooked in Ephesians 5 is that the wife is to respect her husband. The way a wife treats her husband, speaks about him—in public and private—has enormous influence on the relationship.
I’ve often said, show me a husband who sacrificially loves his wife, placing her needs and care above his own, and show me a wife who respects her husband in public and private, and I’ll show you a good marriage that rarely struggles with roles or responsibility issues.
Q: How can husbands and wives encourage one another to “stand firm in the faith” (1 Corinthians 16:13) together rather than trying to carry life’s burdens alone?
A: We often say, “My mate is not my enemy.” Every married couple struggles, argues, has conflicts, and has annoying habits that can trigger conflict. Our selfishness (sin nature) reacts to protect ourselves, to prioritize our wants and needs rather than seeing our spouse as God’s gift to us. I don’t know any couple who got married based on the idea, “This is a person I’d like to fight with for the rest of my life.” When we give in to our selfishness, marriage becomes all about my wants and needs. When we align with God’s design, we long to help one another. Simply put, there’s no other person on the planet that God has given you to share life’s joys and struggles other than your spouse. Why would we miss this? We have to see the world, the culture’s influence for what it is, and it is not godly.
Q: When military couples attend this retreat at The Cove, what do you hope they understand about God, their spouse and the mission of their marriage?
A: We love and respect our military. My wife and I were privileged to live in the Washington, D.C., and Northern Virginia area for almost 12 years. In that time, we saw how these remarkable men and women willingly serve “King and country.” We are humbled and grateful for their service. In that vein, I want them to leave the retreat knowing that more people in the country love and support them than they know; that their marriage can be a delightful, joyful, missional partnership unlike anything on the planet; and that Christ loves them more than they can understand and He wants to use them in ways that count for eternity.
Take a step away from the demands of military life and invest in your marriage. Reconnect with your spouse and grow in faith at the Military Marriage Retreat—Powerless or Powerful with Dr. Michael Easley at The Cove, Sept. 4-6, 2026.
You can also explore other upcoming events at The Cove and find a time to step away, deepen your faith and draw near to God.